HEALING FROM THE SEA ©
by Anne Grothus
One year ago I celebrated Beltane in the backyard of my home in the city. As I worked with my guides and the energy of the land I ignored the bank of apartment windows that looked down at me from behind my fence. It was a beautiful yard shielded by the numerous trees and vines I had cultivated as a screen of privacy, a balance between living within the boundaries of a large city with all of its advantages and having a small sacred grove hidden in my backyard.
But the balance I had struck was beginning to get shaky. I knew in my heart I was trying too hard to control of my life and I needed to stop. I had a high paying position and even though I hated my job, I could not leave. Despite the toxic work environment, I made too much money and living in the city is expensive. Even when my department began to telecommute, I found the discord and poison of the work environment seeping through my computer into my home. I was becoming more high strung, easily fatigued and often angry and resentful.
In contrast to the job, my inner world was powerful and sweet. I traveled within with great joy and learned more about myself though my ancestors and guides. I knew when I was there something had to change for me to continue to do this work, but once out in the "real" world I would once again ignore my intuitions. My sprit had growing weary of this discord I wanted to make the necessary changes to bring true emotional healing into my life but I felt trapped.
About this time Tira offered a workshop in Canada and I jumped at the opportunity to get out of town for a few days and to work with her personally. It took place in June at a site twelve hours away from my house by car, a beautiful drive through the Canadian mountains and desert. The site was a beautiful farm with small cabins overlooking a glacial lake and a forest path down to its icy cold waters, a perfect contract to the hot summer weather. The workshop was a balance of Tira teaching us and leading us to the inner world and time spent alone or with others in nature.
It was there, at that workshop, my healing began, although I had no way of knowing at the time. For the final inner process Tira took us though an initiation of water. During this journey I found myself on the Northern Oregon coast of the Pacific ocean.. A favorite spot for both me and my husband. There I met a guide who was calling me home.
Two months later, in early August, my husband and I went down to the coast while he was recovering from a physical and emotional event in which he almost left the planet for good. Most of our time was spent with him resting and me reading and walking on the beach. One of our favorite past times while at the beach was to talk about retiring there someday. We would pick up the local paper and look at what was for sale. Sometimes we would drive past houses too. In that respect this trip was no different. I found a cottage that looked interesting and we decided to take a look at it.
When I look back at this moment, it is as if I am watching through a crystal ball or a movie screen as several things all fall together. I could never have imagined what was about to unfold as I circled that for sale ad; I fell in love with is a house and I wanted it. We contacted a realtor and went inside. Again, in retrospect, I cannot image how I thought we could live in this tiny cabin, but I believe it was my wounded spirit leading me to awaken and begin to heal.
Back at our hotel we seriously talked about moving now. Why not? We were both telecommuting, we could live at the coast as easily as in the city. I knew we could make it work and my husband agreed. Driving back to Seattle, we turned on the news for the first time in two weeks and heard a housing crisis had begun. We had a moment's hesitation, should we do this? Yes!
A month later, with the house on the market, my company announced it was being sold. Two weeks later I lost my job. The toxic job I hated, the same job that was allowing us to make this spectacular move. I wondered if we should pull off the market. I figured I could easily get a new position if we stayed in the city.
This was my moment of truth, I could trust I was being guided to make this move or I could see this a door being closed. I sat in my back yard, walking in the park, prayed, wrote in my journal, contemplated and traveled within. All of my guides whispered, "Trust" and so I did. My husband came to the same conclusion and we kept the house on the market.
The house sold in late November and we moved out on January 11th. We moved into a vacation rental home that was available for only two months during the off season. It was one block from the ocean and every single day of those two months I walked along the ocean. This was a time for my spirit to heal. I would walk for hours listening to the roar of the surf and watching the hypnotic flow of the waves. In the bitter cold of winter I rarely met another human on the beach. Just gulls and seals, me and my guides. The guide I met in my water initiation was always close too, especially when I would walk along the shore late at night. I often woke up with the pull of the water calling and I usually went. I am blessed to have a partner who supported this need of mine unconditionally. He never questioned me, instead he and our cat went through their own process of acclimating to our new life in their own way.
During this time we bought a house a mile up from the beach. During the month that we waited to move in I went between the two houses as if I was going between two worlds. The day we moved out of the rental I knew that a phase of healing had been completed. I also knew that it was time to return to the work force too. But my spirit was frail and I resisted working in an office just yet. So when a summer position at the park opened, I applied for it and was hired.
I still walk along the ocean several time a week. I often get there through the state park forest that begins a block from my new home. This summer I will continue the healing of my spirit be working in nature with others who love the earth. The position is not permanent and I know this is just the beginning of the story of my new life. A fragile first step in a new direction.
Just like the trillium unfolding in the forest I am excited to watch my new life unfold before me.
Anne now lives in Manzanita, Oregon with her husband Darel and 16 year old cat Gaia. There she wanders the forest and along the ocean. She was first called to the Celtic path in 1990 while visiting family in Ireland and life has never been the same since then. Anne can be reached at anne@raincity.com
* Tira Brandon-Evans, founder and moderator of the Society of Celtic Shamans. [Return to Article]
Healing From the Sea copyright © 2008 by Anne Grothus, all rights reserved. Used with permission. Top of Page
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