CÉAD MÍLE FÁILTE:
BEFRIENDING YOUR BOGEYMAN ©
by Tira Brandon-Evans
Students enrolled in the Society of Celtic Shamans programs undergo many initiations during the course of their studies. These initiations take place Inworld—in the Shining Realms—but the effects of these initiations manifest themselves in this world.
Initiation means "to begin, to start". When I start any new project, I initiate that project. When we begin any new thing in our lives we are in the process of initiation.
Initiation means change and change—even change for the better—can be frightening. To walk the shaman's path we must put aside all our fears. This is one of the reasons I stress the concept of "Fear not" so often. We have to hold on to courage or we will never get very far. We can never master our paths unless we have courage.
Our guides and allies—the Shining Ones—will often test us to be sure we are really ready for an initiation. One of these tests I call "The Test of the Bogeyman". As you may guess, this is test of courage. The Inworld initiator will appear in a terrifying aspect to bar our way to the place of initiation. If we face down the bogeyman we will win through and receive the initiation and the gifts and blessings that are part and parcel of that particular initiation. If we quail we fail and have to return to that gateway again when we have gained the courage to accomplish the initiation.
These bogeymen created by the Shining Ones to test us are relatively easy to face. It is much harder to face the bogeymen we create on our own. There are many reasons why an apprentice might conjure up a terror to halt her progress.
Many apprentices stumble again and again and some eventually fail in their quest because they are afraid to claim their own power. This is especially true of women in general and of both women and men who were abused as children. One of the hardest tests to pass is the fear of power.
Many women and men who have been abused as children come to accept that abuse is their lot. They tend to see themselves as victims and expect they will always be victims. As they begin to master their paths they have to let go of their image of themselves as victims but that is hard to do. I know that sounds odd, but letting go of our pain, even letting go of being downtrodden and unhappy, is very hard to do sometimes. So, as we start to let go, as we start to see ourselves as powerful, whole, strong, joyful, we start to fear.
First of all we are afraid of how we will use our power. If we have been very badly abused we know how power was used by the person and/or persons who had power to harm us. And so we fear we will become like that, that we will use our power to harm.
A second fear seems fairly common. This is being afraid of gaining strength and joy and then losing them again. The feeling here is that since I have, in the past, had everything taken from me by powerful adults it is best to avoid those things that will make me happy, healthy, and strong. I will no sooner find them then they will taken from me again.
It is so much easier to just run away than to examine our fears. But, at the same time, as adults we need a reason to run away so we are almost relieved when we encounter a bogeyman. We may even start looking for a bogeyman so we can cut and run. We may even, without being entirely aware of what we are doing, create a bogeyman to block our way. Then we can say, "Well, I tried to claim my shamanic powers and gifts but that dreadful bogeyman blocked my way so it's not my fault. I'm going to go hide in the corner now."
That is why I stress—fear not, allow all. Now, a part of allowing all is allowing ourselves to exercise courage, right judgement, discretion, and common sense. Shamans have to be more sensible and more down to earth than practically anyone else. We are the ones that need to speak words of reason to the confused. We can't do that if we are confused ourselves.
Courage is the ability to face our fears, identify them, and overcome them. To do this we need to be able to judge whether or not our fears are justified. We need to be able to decide how to handle our fears. We need to use common sense in executing our decisions. We need to be rational to do all this.
Reason is not a popular term among many New Age folks. There is a common misconception that we are not able to arrive at decisions through thinking about them but must, instead, be always influenced by our hearts or our 'guts'. There seems to be a deep seated mistrust of logic, reason, and intellect. Why this is, I do not know.
Reason and the ability to think clearly are gifts. Everyone of at least average intelligence is able to make use of these gifts. Sometimes, when our minds are clouded by fear, we cannot think clearly. That is when we need to write it out. If your shamanic pathwork or your life are on hold because you are not able to overcome fear you need to write it out.
Generally speaking, I have learned that the less 'real' a fear is the harder it is to uncover the roots of that fear and exorcise it. This is because we need something to fear. I mean, we need some particular thing to which we attach our fear. Unfortunately, we are often taught to fear things by the very institutions that should be teaching us about courage, strength and freedom from fear. People raised in the Roman Catholic church are particularly prone to supernatural fears as adults. This church, along with some of the stricter fundamentalist Protestant churches, seems to go out of its way to teach little children fear. As adults Catholics and fundamentalists often fear ghosts, evil entities, demons, the dark, and all sorts of supernatural horrors.
Children are taught they must conform to the behavioral norms of the church. Any failure to conform to the rules will result in terrible consequences. They will opening themselves up to the forces of evil, at the very least. At the worst they will burn in hell throughout eternity. No wonder as adults these poor folks are afraid to step onto the shaman's path and claim their shamanic gifts.
If you are being held back by fear, you need to work to overcome your fears. They will not dissolve on their own. As time goes on your call to walk the way of the Celtic shaman will grow stronger and stronger but unless you are able to face your fears you will be unable to answer that call.
A good thing to do is start a fear journal. Get a spiral notebook especially for this work. Begin by writing down what you are afraid of. If you cannot put a name to your fear—write that down: "I'm not sure exactly what I am afraid of, but I am afraid to take the next step along my life path."
Just setting down those words will begin to free you from your fear.
As the days go by examine your life, your reactions, and notice when you feel most anxious or fearful. Make a note of that—where you were, who you were with, what was said or done that triggered your anxiety or fear, exactly what you were afraid of at the time. For instance, if your boss criticised your work were you afraid of losing your job, losing the respect of your co-workers, and so on. Just record the actual fear. If the fear is more general and not one you can name, record that. If the experience triggered a memory of a similar situation in the past, make a note of that too.
Every evening, spend ten minutes with your fear journal and record your days' notes. After a few days, look for a pattern. Do you most often feel fearful when you are alone or with other people, when you are driving a car, watching television, or at work.
When you see the pattern of your fears, you will be able to think about them logically and begin to devise strategies to help you overcome or manage them. Here is an example of how this might work.
A young woman, we'll call her Jane, was raised by an hysterical and verbally abusive mother. From the time she was a very small child Jane felt like she was walking on eggshells to avoid annoying her mother. Even the smallest thing might set her off. Like most little kids, Jane was often clumsy. Whenever she spilled her milk her mother would shriek at her. She would get into Jane's face and scream at her, telling her she was clumsy and uncoordinated. Not surprisingly, Jane grew up thinking she was an especially clumsy and uncoordinated woman. Even when she was fifty if she spilled any liquid she would begin to cringe and shake, quickly mopping up the mess with many apologies to anyone around her. Her behaviour on such occassions was so obviously inappropriate that eventually her husband pointed this out to her. After a heated argument, during which Jane denied she had a problem, she sat down and thought about her common over-reaction to these small accidents. She realized her mother had 'trained' her to grovel and apologize when she spilled milk. She was reacting as she did when she was a child. Even though it was completely irrational, at some level Jane expected everyone to be angry and yell at her when she accidentally spilled her coffee or slopped some pop on the floor.
Jane decided she did not need to continue reacting to a threat that no longer existed. For several weeks she deliberately spilled some coffee, milk, or water and then calmly wiped the mess up. At first this was very hard for her to do without reacting negatively. But after a couple of days it got easier. When she was sure she had replaced her over-reaction with a reasonable reaction, Jane was able to stop spilling things and today she has no reactive fears around small accidents of this sort.
Of course, not all our fears are so easily overcome. Many are very deep seated and hard to identify. But unless we are willing face our boogeymen we shall continue to be ruled by fear. As long as fear can block our paths into the Shining Realms we are at a standstill.
Samhain is a particularly good time to examine our fears and release them. Spend some time this season getting to know your bogeyman and you may discover he is not as frightening as you feared. He may be your strength and joy in disguise.
Tira Brandon-Evans is the Founder and Moderator of the Society of Celtic Shamans, editor of Earthsongs: Journal of the Society of Celtic Shamans, and is, herself, a Faery Shaman. Her books, The Green and Burning Tree: A Faery Shaman's Handbook, Portals of the Seasons: A Celtic Wheel of the Year, Through the Unremembered Gate: Journeys of Initiation, The Labyrinthine Way: Walking Ancient Paths in a Modern World, and Healing Waters, are all published by Elder Grove Press. She is presently writing a book about the Ogham. You may contact Tira by email at info@faeryshaman.org.
Céad Míle Fáilte: Befriending Your Bogeyman copyright © 2007 by Tira Brandon-Evans, all
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